Sunday, 28 December 2014

God 1.01

There's always someone further up the ladder.

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Frankly, it's a mess

Well it's a bit...

No it's not a bit anything, it's a total disaster. Look, you started out reasonably well. You got the shape right, covered it well, if a bit prematurely considering the inside was still cooking. Lots of lovely blue with a sprinkling of green and brown bits. It really looked quite nice. From a distance, but then what did you do?

Well I...

That wasn't a question, don't interrupt. You let 'them' loose on it. Not too bad on the face of it, mostly harmless, ugly, but reasonably well laid out with a support on each corner but one decides to balance on two and you suddenly get ideas. What did you give them?

I...

Self awareness and, not content with that mind you, free will. What in the name of universal truth were you thinking. You'd already introduced sex. Going directly against my advice I might add. Do you really think you stand any chance of passing.

But the experiment is a long way from finished.

Really, you think so? You have a world infested...No don't protest. Infested! With that ridiculous species entirely caused by your own ineptitude. It's bad enough that they spend half their time finding new ways to play with their bits because you had to associate pleasure with the activity.

I thought it was a perfect way to encourage them to reproduce.

Oh it worked on that level I'll grant you but as soon as they worked out how to do it without the inconvenience of any offspring off they went. Practically every waking hour they're chasing round trying to put part A into slot B and I don't know what you did with the instructions on that because they seem totally confused about what A and B refer to and who does what, with what and to whom.

I have tried to restrict...

I was coming to that. Religion. “Believe in me. I am great. I am the one true....blah blah blah.” Possibly it would have worked but how many times and in how many different guises did you appear to them for pity's sake?

I was trying to fit it in with the many different societies they had developed.

Didn't work, did it? When they're not 'fiddling' they're killing each other over which version of you they consider the true one.

But I really think...

No you don't. If you thought at all you wouldn't have created this unholy mess. A world full of rutting, retarded, religious nutcases is not going to get you through to full Deity.
Now reformat and start again.

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