This was after being set the task of using a well known board game as the starting point.
----------------------------------------------
“So you're Miss
Scarlet”
“Charlie”
“Charlie. Scarlet”
The inspector had a
nasty habit of sticking his tongue out of the side of his mouth like
a small boy when writing in his notepad
“No”
The inspector slowly
crossed out the name and looked at her. It was difficult not to as
although she wore a robe she hadn't made a great deal of effort to
fasten it.
“Surely not Scarlet
Charlie?”
“No just Charlie.
Charlie Ramsbottom”
He continued to look at
her, pencil poised. “Short for?”
“Pardon?”
“Your full name miss,
just for the record”
“Charlotte
Ramsbottom” He continued to look at her, half as a policeman and
half as a
heterosexual male. Well
maybe a bit more than half.
She answered his stare
“Well would you be boasting about having had a lap dance from
Charlotte Ramsbottom”
“Quite” He looked
down and wrote the name, still with his tongue out but after licking
his lips.
“and your
relationship to the deceased?”
“None”
“None?”
“Customer. Just
another dirty old perv willing to pay to have some tits waved in his
face”
“Died happy then did
he?”
“How would I know”
“Miss Ramsbottom you
and he were the only two in, shall we say close proximity, when he
died which means you are under suspicion for causing his death so the
sooner you persuade me otherwise the sooner you can go home”
“Inspector please”
The manager of The Lownge ingratiated himself into the conversation
Syrup on his head and in his attitude. “Is there anything we can do
to speed this up I'm losing money while all this is going on.”
“and you are?”
“Sean Preston. I'm
the manager”
“Well Mr Preston you
won't be earning any more money tonight or probably longer until we
finish our investigation. This is not the wild west where they drag
the body out and the piano player starts up before the Saloon door
swings shut. Did you know the deceased? Had he been here before?”
“The professor, yes
he was a regular always about the same time of the month. Look it
must've been natural causes. I mean who's going to want a harmless
old sod like that dead. His heart probably just couldn't take it.”
“Until I hear
different Mr Preston it's a suspicious death. Now how many girls did
he have dance for him”
“Just the one. He had
a thing for Charlie, always asked for her and waited if she was busy
or on a break”
“I thought you said
you didn't know him Miss Ramsbottom”
Charlie opened her
mouth to speak but was interrupted by the bustling presence of Jimmy
Holden excusing himself past any human obstacle to get to the
inspector and closely followed by a flustered looking PC.
“Hello inspector,
something for the Examiner? any clues, name of the deceased, cause of
death? Shot? Stabbed.....?
The inspector looked
straight past him to the PC who wasn't sure whether to stand to
attention or grab Holden.
“How did he
get in?”
“I'm sorry sir he
just shouldered past while I was dealing with someone else”
The inspector looked at
the flustered, out of breath PC “That someone else female and
scantily dressed by any chance?”
The officers blush
answered for him.
“Holden your messing
up my crime scene get out, Officer help this gentleman out of the
door”
Holden wasn't to be
dissuaded that easily and was at risk of leaving the part of his
jacket the PC had hold of in his efforts to get some kind of
statement. “No ideas at all Inspector?” in a last attempt he used
his free hand to gesture a mock headline in the air 'Clueless
Clouseau' 'Investigation stalls'
The
inspector gestured for the PC to release Holden who shrugged his
jacket back into shape and walked back to the inspector with the smug
smile of someone who had already won the Pulitzer prize. He stood
waiting for some kind of statement or attributable quote. He was
disappointed.
“Holden.
You are beginning to annoy me. Every time I'm called to a scene of
crime lately you turn up like a bad smell. If you print anything like
that I will have a word with traffic and ensure that all blue five
year old Fiestas are perfectly roadworthy, being driven at 30 miles
an hour, three feet from the kerb and the drivers have not so much as
sucked a wine gum in the previous six months. Do I make myself
clear?”
He
may as well not have spoken Holden looked straight past him into the
private booth
“Just
doing my job inspector is that where Prof Plum bought it”
“It's
Professor Plume and we haven't released the name yet so how...”
If
it was possible Holden looked even more smug “Oh just doing my job
and asking round. The girls are quite gossipy if you know how to
tackle them. Have you spoken to Mayfield yet?”
The
inspector couldn't help the querying tone in his reply “Terry
Mayfield?”
“Terence
Frederick Mayfield, drug dealer of this parish. I thought you'd have
been onto him straight away”
The
inspector and Holden looked at each other. Holden was obviously
giving no more without encouragement which drew the hardest “Why”
the inspector had ever uttered.
Holden
straightened and beamed “Well what with him and Miss Scarlet being
an item and the old Prof getting dragged in to young Mr Mayfield's
enterprises.”
“Okay
Holden You've obviously got more on this than I have so let's hear it
all”.
“Drug
dealer likes dancer, Prof likes dancer. Drug dealer gets dancer to
encourage Prof and tries to get him to provide certain chemicals.
Prof does for a while and then gets scared. Prof threatens to tell
you lot. Prof meets untimely end and nobody lives happily ever after”
“I
don't suppose you'd like to tell me how they did it as well”
“No
idea inspector” Holden looked past the inspector and into the booth
at one stiletto that had been kicked under the bench seat. But the
old fella did have a foot fetish.” The inspector followed his gaze.
“Old fashioned, used to like drinking out of a ladies shoe.”
“Sergeant!
Get some men going through the bins I want the other shoe to match
this one”
“So
inspector do I get an exclusive interview?”
“No.
You've got more than I have already” and in answer to Holden's
disappointed look “But you can have a wine gum and drive at 33”
Holden
already had the headline written anyway.
Miss Scarlet in the
Lownge with a shoe